Goodbye little friends

I said goodbye to my babies yesterday. The day started out okay - I was frantic with last minute preparations for my trip to Zanzibar and onwards, and had to go into town to collect money for my trip in the morning. So it was all a mad crazy rush.

I eventually arrived for my last shift in the newborn nursery and was thinking to myself that with all the preparations to distract me, it wasn't as difficult as I was worried it would be. That all changed about 10 minutes before the end of my shift. I was nursing baby Nancy, and looked up and saw what time it was and all of a sudden, there was a torrential flood of all of my emotions from the last 3 months. I thought about all the little faces I have come to know and love, the smell of clean, soft baby hair, the feel of a warm, tiny body in my arms. When would I next experience such a beautiful moment?? I was a complete wreck. I managed to compose myself just enough so that the nanny on duty didn't see the crazy weeping Aussie woman sniffling into an infant's hair (which smelt like Johnson's Baby, and set me off even further!).

Saying goodbye to the munchkins in the 'big house' (the bigger babies, from 4 months to 2 years) was even worse. I actually felt my heart break when I saw Rosie sitting in her little swing chair. If it's even possible, she was MORE delightful and chirpy than usual and gave me suuuuch a big cuddle. I had her fat little arms in my hands and I thought about how they would look a year, 5 years, 10 years from now. Eventually I had to let her go, and she started HOWLING and crawling after me as fast as her little body could carry her. The thought of leaving her behind still makes me sick to the stomach.

As we got in the cab to go to the airport, Mama Musa assembled the toddlers (Julie's little class) in the window to bid us farewell, and it was poignant and painful.

I'm in Zanzibar now and have had a little time to reflect since my departure. It WAS heartbreaking to say goodbye to those children (particularly those little ones who had an extra special place in my heart). And my stay at the baby home for the past 3 months has done wonders for my sense of perspective, my health (mental AND physical) and general outlook towards my future. But, a truth I realised was that I personally couldn't have stayed a day longer. Three months at the home and far from my own family and friends with the innumerable daily frustrations to send me bonkers was JUST enough, or I may quite possibly have gone mad.

I am comforted that Davona, the director of the baby home will continue to do an amazing, courageous and inspirational job and student missionaries and volunteers will continue to come to the home, to help fill the childrens' lives with love and joy.